back home, with some tales to tell

Quel voyage. I am pleased to write that my wife, daughter, and I arrived safely home from France yesterday afternoon. After 10 days in a small village in Languedoc, and 7 days in Paris, it was an epic trip with an emphasis on exploring the local food culture, cooking, and eating. My jet-lagged daughter beckons at the moment, but I am planning to write a series of posts about the experience.

This is "Scuffy" the snail, saying hello to my daughter after visiting our kitchen window. Scuffy was not eaten.

slow and easy food: hot-smoked pork chops

In case you don't follow my dorky tweets about food, you should, because Saturday I posted my first ever live-tweeted recipe and cooking session (see chronology and photos): smoked pork chops! These are so easy, and the flavor will detonate your taste buds. Not surprisingly, it's quite difficult to capture ingredient lists and measurements in 140 characters, so I've posted the full recipe here.

ingredients:

• 4 thick cut, free range, well marbled pork chops from a local farm (MN-folk should try Pastures a Plenty or Prairie Pride), about 8 oz per chop
  
• 1/2 gallon cold tap water
• 3/4 cup kosher salt
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 4 tsp pink curing salt (to buy)
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled and slightly smashed
• 2 tbsp chili powder
• 1 tbsp paprika
• 1 tsp ground black pepper
• wood smoking chips (apple wood, hickory, etc.), soaked in warm water
  

to brine chops:

1. In a large, non-reactive bowl, place water and pork chops
2. Run about 1-2 cups of very hot tap water into a smaller bowl
3. Add kosher salt, sugar, curing salt, and garlic to hot water in small bowl. Stir with a fork until salt and sugar is dissolved.
4. Pour this mixture into the large bowl and refrigerate for 4-12 hours.
5. When ready to cook, remove chops from brine and pat dry.

to smoke chops:

1. Mix remaining spices in a small bowl and apply to all sides of pork chops. Let chops sit on the counter for 30-60 minutes to come to room temperature.
2. Light about 1/3 of a chimney starter loaded with charcoal briquettes (wood/lump charcoal burns too hot/fast for smoking).
3. Bank coals on one side of your grill, put the wood chips on top (ideally in a smoker box or wrapped in a foil packet), and place a small pan on the bottom of the grill opposite the coals.
4. Place pork chops on the grate opposite the coals. Cover and begin smoking.
   
5. After about 1 hour, add 10 unlit charcoal bricks to the top of the pile. Cover and continue smoking.
   
6. Chops will be ready approximately 1-2 hours later, depending on the temperature inside and outside of the grill. They should be a dark red-orange w/ and be very tender (slight charring on the edges is ok, too).
7. Rest chops for 5 minutes before serving.

*Serves 4 people

These go really well with a strong beer, some fried or roasted potatoes, and a green salad. Sauerkraut is also an excellent choice, especially in winter.

bulldog update: still no word from the owner!

Nearly one month has passed since I emailed the Bulldog's owner regarding my inquiry, mainly why they were serving lower-quality meats, and a generally less-appetizing menu, in St. Paul. I guess they really don't care about what their patrons think. In fact, someone recently commented on my post that "Bad food is one thing, but a server who asks, 'What do you want me to do with it?' when you tell her your food is bad-- while standing with her hand on her hip as your dreck sits in front of you-- is icing on the cake."

Also, shortly after writing that post I realized that I forgot to mention the Bulldog Uptown and its menu. Sadly, it appears they're serving a similar menu to the Lowertown location. Patrons revolt!

a bit of self promotion

Well, this is a blog about my own gastronomic travails, so perhaps self promotion is a moot point. Today I launched a small website to promote "holterhaus," my marketing business. Read the about page for more info, but basically I provide integrated communications services for businesses and other organizations large and small. I especially like to work with companies of the progressive/sustainable/green kind, so please let me know if I can be of assistance. It's probably obvious, but I am particularly adept at interactive-related marketing endeavors, including social media.
P.S. This is not an April Fool's joke. Seriously.

white house breaks ground on a kitchen garden!

This is exciting. In classic savvy PR fashion, the White House blog today featured a post (w/ pics) about a groundbreaking ceremony for the first family's new vegetable garden. This event is significant for obvious reasons related to the promotion of healthy, sustainable eating and living (as well as frugality and self reliance), but it also highlights the fact that this is likely the first such garden to exist on White House grounds, at least in recent times. Let's hope they don't use those heirloom tomatoes to top a dubya-style frozen hamburger.

From the post:

"This is a big day. We've been talking it since the day we moved in," said the First Lady as she and two dozen local students broke ground on the White House Kitchen Garden on the South Lawn of the White House. Those students will be involved in the garden as it develops and grows, producing delicious, healthy vegetables to be cooked in the White House Kitchen and given to Miriam's Kitchen, which serves the homeless in Washington, DC.


Fashion note: It was a bad decision for Mrs. Obama to wear patent leather boots in the garden. I think some wellies and trousers would have been more appropriate (and fashion-forward).

the season's first burger: an essay

All of this blogging about other people's cheeseburgers left me feeling eager to grill some of my own. That, combined with a stretch of warm spring weather and the specific nature of my wife's pregnancy cravings, meant that the ceremonial first-burger-of-the-season would be grilled on Friday. Much to my dismay, what started as a fantasy week of balmy spring weather quickly turned cold, rainy, and straight-up medieval by Friday afternoon. I did not care. With a Summit Maibock in hand, I donned a raincoat and proceeded to load the chimney and brush the grate.

Americans love cheeseburgers. However, our sterile, Walmartian culture has completely fucked up this simple pleasure. In fact, you might say the standard American burger is FUBAR. We have ruined the hamburger patty. We have stripped the cheese of a soul. We have reduced the toppings to bland, watery, and/or chemical soaked afterthoughts. What remains is a previously sickly, previously frozen, previously in a CAFO sandwich-type-thing that is hardly fit for consumption by American pets. I mean that. I seriously mean that. And I'll stop my rant there. You read this blog because you already grind your own grass-fed beauties, right?

Time travel is possible. When you grind your own high quality, grass fed beef you will experience the delicacy enjoyed by many of our grandparents before the convenience age. When you choose to assemble a cheeseburger from the simplest, best ingredients that you can possibly find (within your local food economy), the utilitarian cheesburger is transformed into something truly sublime. Even the French have acknowledged the perfection of a grilled cheeseburger.

The only special equipment you need is a basic meat grinder - I use the Kitchen-Aid grinder attachment, but a manual countertop grinder also works well, and will earn you respect from your bad-ass grandfather.

Does your gray, industrial, frozen patty look like this? I think not. So buy some respectable beef and grind your own damn burgers. It will expand your mind.

Ingredients for a burger that transcends time, space, and industrial food culture:

• 2 lbs chuck roast, from grass fed cows raised by a small local producer (I really like Thousand Hills)
• 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  
• kosher or sea salt, to taste

Technique:

1. Put your grinder components and two large mixing bowls in the freezer
   
2. Trim the beef to remove any tough connective tissue or large pieces of fat (but don't be too surgical or you'll risk grinding meat that's too lean - grass fed beef has very little fat to begin with)
3. Cut trimmed beef into one inch chunks
4. In one of the mixing bowls, combine meat with black pepper and salt
5. Grind meat mixture through the small die into the other chilled bowl
6. Pour Worcestshire sauce and olive oil into bowl, mix with a wooden spoon until liquids are incorporated (do not over-mix)
7. Chill the meat in your refrigerator for 15 minutes to keep the meat cold (this is critical) - this is a good time to light the grill
   
8. Using your hands, form the meat into 4 equal patties. Each should be about 1 inch think. Press your fingertips into the center of each patty to make them slightly concave (this helps them cook evenly and hold their shape)
   
9. Grill over very hot coals until an instant-read thermometer registers 125 degrees (for medium rare). Too squeamish for medium rare? You're missing out. Buying good beef and grinding it yourself means you can eat a correctly grilled burger without fear.
   

*makes 4 celebration-sized grilled hamburger patties

P.S. Spring and Fall are fleeting portions of the grilling season because the mild outdoor temperatures permit the home chef to prepare some elements of the meal on the grill and some in the kitchen. This is especially important for homemade cheeseburgers and french fries. I do not own a deep fryer (sadly), but my wife and I have learned how to make addictive oven fries using a recipe from Cooks Illustrated. I'll feature our version of that recipe in an upcoming post.

extremely fast food: new "pizza vending machine" unveiled in italy

Redefining the concept of convenience food, an Italian business man has just introduced a new vending machine that creates hot pizzas in about three minutes. The pizza-centric "Slice" blog, which is part of the Serious Eats community, posted a photo and additional information earlier this week. Read the full post here.

While Italians typically value high-quality, local ingredients, I don't expect these machines to come stocked with artisanal mozzarella and seasonal, heirloom tomatoes. My advice: buy a slice from a local vendor, which also supports a several local jobs, rather than pumping money into this mass-produced, slightly depressing concept.